


no crucifix can hold it back

by orphan_account



Series: hymns [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Second person POV, Spoilers for Weirdmageddon I, This makes no sense. It is midnight and I am tired.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 18:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5100722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't know what you expected when you said the incantation. You were desperate, starving. You needed help. For the very very <i>very</i> first time, you needed help. You meet Bill Cipher in a dream, and he calls you <i>genius</i> and <i>smart guy</i> and praise and praise and praise and praise and praise and somehow, his words aren't like other ghosts of approval. His words mean something. His words ignite the desperation and hunger once more, but this time it is different. This time: you are suffocating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no crucifix can hold it back

_So: you want a love like **fearterrorhorror** , you want a love like crucifixion, you want a love like something with incisors gnawing its way inside of you and making a living inside of your flesh-and-bones-and-whatever-else-is-floating-around-in-there-is-it-fear, is it: something shaking and whittling you into shape, into simple bones, so: you want a love like fear, like how some people say you are supposed to fear God and Holiness._

 

 _You want a love like needles, like tiny pricks of feeling - you want a love that can break through you and show you how to fall apart, is it fear, is it love, is it something flesh-and-bone-that-moves-too-quick-to-ever-be-caught. You want a love that will catch you and suffocate you. You want a love like: fear/horror/bone. You want a love that will make you feel important. People are always telling you that you are important, but it turns transparent. Over and over and over and over and over you hear_ He's so smart  _or_ What a genius _but it doesn't stick._

 

_You want a love like suffocation, and then you meet Bill Cipher._

 

 _You don't know what you expected when you said the incantation. You were desperate, starving. You needed help. For the very very_ very  _first time, you needed help. You meet Bill Cipher in a dream, and he calls you_ **genius** _and_ **smart guy** _and praise and praise and praise and praise and praise and somehow, his words aren't like other ghosts of approval. His words mean something. His words ignite the desperation and hunger once more, but this time it is different. This time: you are suffocating.  
_

 

 _He says that he can help you, brush off the dirt and dust. He tells you that everything would be easier if he could_ touch  _and_ feel  _things, with_ your _hands and_ your _fingers - it has been_ so  _long, he tells you, since he has truly felt. (Maybe he never has.) So: a deal is made. The first time that he has control, he touches you and says that you have been_ so  _good. His (your) fingers find your (his) thighs. You have never felt such weakness or vulnerability before, but: you breathe and breathe and as things turn into black, you start to lose everything. You are inside your body but at the same time you are not. This is ascension, this is something more, something like **fearterrorhorror** , something like that love you have been dreaming about._

 

_So: you want a love like **fearterrorhorror** , like crucifixion, like something with incisors, like something shaking and whittling you down into simple bone, like suffocation. You want a love that is the opposite of a fairy tale._

 

_You find everything inside of Bill Cipher, and Bill Cipher finds everything inside of you._

* * *

 

You think back to that love as Bill positions you, and tells you that you should join him in bringing the world down. 

 

"With that extra finger, you'd fit right in with my freaks!"

 

You do consider it, for a moment. You think about old times, where you would be with Bill and think that everything in the world works out okay. You think about how much you truly  _loved_ him.

 

You know that this is the end. 

 

At least, you decide, you will be experiencing the end of all with someone who you once loved. That is a  _bad_ thought, but somehow comforting. Bill will hurt everyone he can get his hands on, and you're thinking about the past.

 

You clench a  (six-fingered, and he always liked that about you, said it made you _unique_ and _special_ ) fist.

 

"I'll die before I join you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> "And in the dark it comes for me  
> Malevolent and without form  
> Uprooting trees, destroying cars  
> Cold and relentless with arms outstretched
> 
> No Bolt nor brick  
> Nor crucifix can hold it back  
> I've been wicked  
> I've been arrogant" "Talons", Bloc Party
> 
> This might not be canon compliant, since I currently have no way to rewatch TLMC or Weirdmageddon I. So.
> 
> Sorry for this monstrosity


End file.
